The "Best Friend"

Rules to confronting your best friend:
1) DO IT IN PERSON! NOT OVER TEXT!
2) Wait until you aren't super angry
3) Always make sure you say sorry for your portion of the argument (it takes 2 to argue)
4) Don't make it all about how they messed up

Did I follow any of these rules a few weeks ago when I had a fight with my best friend, no of course not. To say it went badly would be an understatement. Long story short, we got into a fight over something stupid, I broke all of those rules, we have barely talked for weeks, and, at one point, I had pretty much lost my best friend. At one point she basically said that she didn't know if she even wanted to be my friend anymore, yeah that hurt. On top of all that, because of everything that was going on with my best friend, for the sake of not sounding so repetitive I'll call her Riley, I started pushing away my other friends because I was so hurt and so focused on the situation. I was rude to people and I didn't even realize it. I started scrutinizing everything my boyfriend was doing. It was just a very bad situation all together. Then when Riley started to give up and focus on other things with other friends it hurt even more because I missed her, I missed my best friend. What was I supposed to do? We tried to talk twice, but both times ended in either more of a mess or a lot of talk with no resolution. Riley ended up saying that she just wasn't ready to talk. Now, we are civil towards each other. We talk a little; it's just idle chit-chat. We haven't talked about what happened though. She acts like she doesn't even want to acknowledge it happened, but I think that will end up creating more problems in the future. So what do I do? How do I make it work? How do I get my best friend back?

Well, I'm starting small. At first, I started small talk conversations. I asked her how her weekends went or how work was. Little things that wouldn't turn into a huge conversation because I knew she was probably still a little upset, but not saying anything just lets hateful feelings fester (I learned that one the hard way). Then after a few days like that I asked her about more in depth things going on in her life. Boys. We used to talk a lot about guys just because your best friend is the perfect person to talk to about that cute guy you saw at the mall or the irritating things your boyfriend does that you couldn't live without. That conversation was a little longer and we each talked about less superficial things like our opinions on situations. Then came seeing each other outside of school. We didn't hang out alone yet. It was in a huge group of our girlfriends and I wasn't even there for the whole time since I had work. But we laughed together and there wasn't as much tension as there used to be. Now, I think the next step is to continue the conversations here and there at school and to hang out more outside of school in groups. I don't think we could hang out just us yet, but after a couple more group things, maybe we could hang out with a smaller group. Eventually it will be just us and then maybe we'll talk about what happened.

There are so many other ways to go about things and it all depends on your and your friend's personalities. It also depends on the relationship that the two of you have. Riley and I have been practically inseparable for over a year. She calls my parents "mom" and "dad". I call her dad "dad". We have been there for each other through all the ugly. Every person is unique and special. Different things will effect them in different ways, and there is nothing wrong with that. You need to make sure you understand that. Understand them and what hurts them. Also you need to take the situation into account. Is it something that is a viable reason for someone to be hurt? If your "best friend" is now dropping you because of something way to small in your eyes, you have to ask yourself if that person is worth the struggle. It is hard, and when that answer is no it feels like the entire world is coming down. How do you go from being best friends with a person to not wanting that friendship anymore? You need to be ready to fight for them, and if they are getting upset over the smallest things in life are you really prepared to fight for them over everything? Like I keep saying, it's hard and it's draining both emotionally and physically. If they aren't worth it, it's ok. There are more people there to be right at your side than you know. You need to be willing and open to them. You need to let them in. You need to put 100% into relationships to expect anything out of them. Now, if they are worth it, go. Fight for them. Show them that you will always be there for them no matter what happens. Remind them of how much you care about them. If they really are your best friend then they will see your efforts, and, eventually, they will realize they need you too.